When the Harrassment of Others Becomes Your Problem

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  xbailey03/01/07 Report as spam
  1

  Don't be afraid to involve HR.....

  If a manager or employee is ever unsure how to handle a situation, a good place to start is by consulting your HR Business Partner or representative. Keep in mind that they may be obligated to act even if you are not filing an official complaint. Discussing a "hypothetical situation," however, can be a discreet means to find the best way to handle a situation.

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  milady303/10/07 Report as spam
  2

  When the Harassment of Others Becomes a Real Problem

  Dear Ms. Affronted
  
  Welcome to the never ending "battle of the sexes" in the workplace. But I still do not get a clear picture of this issue. Who is allegedly being harassed in this situation? The young female at the office (who may or may not like these advances), or the staff member who feels uncomfortable by all the attention the young female is currently getting? hum.....
  
  My main concern is for the young female at the office. If the young lady feels that she is being ?harassed? by these gentlemen, then she should be the one placing a complaint to the HR office in the first place, unless, the action of these ?pack of wolves? are so offensive to others or distracting to the work environment. In this case Ms. Affronted should feel free to report this issue to the HR department. There are at least two concerns that in my opinion should be deeply explored:
  
  1. The reasons behind the young lady not reporting the ?alleged? sexual harassment incident(s). Does the young lady believe that by reporting this issue to HR she will be subjected to retaliation and alienation from other co-workers?
  2. The reason behind Ms. Affronted?s contention. Are her reasons for feeling uncomfortable with this situation valid? Could it be that Ms. Afronted feels neglected because she is not the one getting all the attention? hum..... and finally, how do other workers feel and view this issue?

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  joliver@...06/22/07 Report as spam
  3

  Jumping to conclusions?

  Milady, how did you reach the conclusion that the person asking the question is female?

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  hrbarbie04/05/07 Report as spam
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  Help them before they hurt themselves or the company

  Assuming that your company conducted anti-harassment training, I'm sure everyone in the company is aware, or should be aware of the potential damage that can be caused by inappropriate comments and/or actions.
  
  If these are your colleagues, I'd suggest talking with them directly in a way that they understand how they could be potentially liable, both professionally and financially. One approach may be, "Dude, do you think she offended by that comment or could turn it against you, even though she seems to like it? It don't know if you know this, but, you could be risking your job as well as end up in a lawsuit if she decides she doesn't like what you said or did. Plus, even if she likes it, you could be offending others around you and still be liable.
  
  If you are a company supervisor, you have an obligation to report it to the department supervisor and/HR if you think it could put the company at risk for a harassment case. As a supervisor, you are "put on notice" if you observe something that can be perceived as harassment. If you don't do anything about it, you could be possibly liable, both professionally and financially.
  
  Best of luck!
  Brenda
  www.TheHRMatrix.com

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  richard.gardner@...06/21/07 Report as spam
  5

  Do What?

  It is a fact of life that different people have different relationships with their colleagues, and harrassment to one person is just having a laugh to another.
  
  It is also true that men are simple creatures and attractive women always have the option of employing "feminine wiles" which it is their free will to choose to use or not in the workplace. My wife is an attractive intelligent career woman with a 6 figure salary, but she is not above batting her eyelashes to get some testosterone driven mule to change her tyre for her (even though she's perfectly capable of doing it herself), or smiling at other drivers to get let out at a junction. That's just the way it is, you use the tools you have.
  
  I would suggest asking your colleague what she thinks, it might bother her more than you think (in which case she'll be grateful for your help) or it might not bother her at all (in which case you should respect her right to decide when she's being harrassed or not).
  
  Or you can take the other option of snitching to HR, what exactly this is going to achieve apart from upsetting everyone concerned I'm not entirely sure.

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  mwest@...06/21/07 Report as spam
  6

  Real world example

  I worked in an office where one female employee encouraged this type behavior and the men were too happy to oblige her. Unfortunately, some of these men happened to be her supervisors. She received a promotion to a job created for her and a raise. Activities at conferences off-site were even more extreme and emails found on co-workers computers indicated that more may have been going on. Most of the other female employees were uncomfortable with the situation, but complaints fell on deaf ears. Finally, as a supervisor, I put the situation in writing to HR and the boss still failed to do anything about the problem. It still continues today. My next review, however, was not what previous reviews had been and my job activities were curtailed. I left the company soon after.
  
  If this had been stopped when it had started, before it had gotten out of hand, wouldn't that have been better for all? The company is still liable if another employee who has to deal with this situation files a lawsuit, or if the female employee herself is ever disciplined or terminated, she could bring the suit. It is a huge liability for the company and possibly a hostile working environment for all.
  
  Even if no other activites are occurring, the appearance is there that favoritism exists because of her activities. Not a good professional move for her either.

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  fergusdo@...06/21/07 Report as spam
  7

  Butt out

  Hey, congratulations you've just passed the first test to become an HR Professional, getting involved in what doesn't concern you. My suggestion, butt out and get a life! Neither the woman nor the men are involving you nor are they asking you to involve yourself. Their behaviour is their responsibility, harrassement is how a 'victim perceives it'; this woman is not bothered so where is the issue. Life must be tough when you have to, not only control your own behaviour, but be the moral judge for the entire workforce. Lighten up the company will survive without your moral guidance.

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  mikeallan06/21/07 Report as spam
  8

  A Sad Situation

  I certainly do understand the full ramifications of the legal obligations being discussed and I'm not making light of them in any way.
  
  However, it is (in my opinion) a very sad commentary on the state of our society today when a 3rd party can arbitrarily decide that someone else is feeling harrassed in the workplace.
  
  You cannot 'give offense', you can only 'take offence'. The idea of what is offensive is a very personal one and only the actual target of the actions should have the right to decide whether or not they 'take offense' to the behavior.
  
  Obviously, if inappropriate comments are becoming a problem in the workplace, all parties participating should be asked to stop.
  
  However, what I personnaly find truely offensive (and morally repugnant) is the idea that someone else can tell ME what I should be personally offended by.
  
  Obviously, there are lines that should never be crossed in a professional environment -- but there's something to be said for a workplace that is open enough and free enough for people to interact like normal social beings without paranoid fear of reprisal over every single comment.

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  jlrobins06/21/07 Report as spam
  9

  If only we could all 'play nice'...

  Nice that Mike has lived such a sheltered life. My experience does not bear out Mike's assessment.
  
  My first lesson came in college... A male social science professor demonstrated the impact of violating interpersonal distance in his classes regularly. The 'subject' was never warned, was always an attractive female student, and almost always dropped the class immediately. If the 'subject' didn't get up and leave the classroom, the professor only ended after he had his arm around her shoulders like he was her boyfriend.
  
  One of my first jobs was tech support. While in one department I was treated to an interesting comment. The office staff was college educated, mostly male 'professionals' and support staff. There were two or three college educated female support staff. One day, while reviewing resumes for a new staff person, a male supervisor came out of his office, nearly yelling:
  "I wouldn't ever hire a woman on my staff! Well, I might reconsider if she came around my desk and before the job interview was over."
  
  This man saw nothing wrong with that comment! Not one word was said to him about it!
  
  I worked at another company that had settled multiple sexual harrassment suits filed against their director of HR over a period of 5-10 years. All were based on his personal 'comments' and inappropriate behaviors.
  
  
  Maybe I am just getting old and jaded. And it is not 'frequent'. But there will always be people, male and female, that will push the limits for whatever reason. There must be a time, place, and way to set appropriate limits.

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  mikeallan06/21/07 Report as spam
  10

  i thin you may have missed the point

  All good comments, but I think you missed the point I was trying to make.
  
  If you were personally offended by some of the actions in the scenarios you descibed, I think you have every right to complain.
  
  Likewise, I think you have every right to ask the 3rd party in question (the one allegedly being harrassed) if they need help or want to explore their options.
  
  My only point was that (again, in my opinion) you don't have the right to tell that person they ARE being harrassed -- only to ask if that is their perception as well.
  
  Two people interacting in a way that is mutually acceptible to both of them are not causing offense to each other.
  
  If you have a personal problem with their behaviour I believe you should say so instead of hiding behind the rights of the person who did not take offense in the first place.

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  Debra image06/21/07 Report as spam
  11

  Experience

  Several years ago, I encountered a similar situation. The beautiful young woman involved seemed to "let comments go by", and these were sometimes very vulgar comments involving "T & A", particularly by her boss. Other women commented that she seemed to enjoy it. But in a private a one-on-one conversation with her, she confided that the comments did bother her, but she did not know what to do. She said she was frightened that she would lose her job. This was the point that I offered help to her.
  
  Don't assume that someone is not bothered by what is being said--if it raises red flags to you, it probably does bother them. Have a private talk and direct the person to her (or his) options. Provide support by stating a willingness to confirm what you've witnessed. Anything less will scar your company's reputation.
  
  And my sympathy to the guy with the good looking wife plays at business this way--no self-respecting woman of power acts like that or tolerates it, and yes, I make that much money and am good-looking, too.

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  richard.gardner@...06/21/07 Report as spam
  12

  Yeah

  Thanks for the sympathy.
  
  What's my problem again? That I have a rich attractive wife who gets other blokes to change tyres for her...
  
  Hmmm.....
  .....
  .....
  That's change tyres, not an oil change, you understand that don't you?
  ......
  ......
  So, let's just think about this....
  ....
  ....
  OK, I have an attractive wife.
  ...
  ...
  Who's also rich
  ...
  ...
  And really nice (that's why I married her, she was poor back then)
  ...
  ...
  And doesn't phone me up when she needs a tyre changing, but she doesn't have to do it herself.
  ...
  ...
  Should that bother me?
  ...
  ...
  Nah.. Sorry, I've really really thunk about this and tried to see the downside but I just ain't getting it.
  
  Anyone?

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  tangokatie06/21/07 Report as spam
  13

  Fair

  Not that I think the author needed to make a reference to fraternal and sisterhood organizaitons. But once referenced should not the sentence have read "frat-boy and Soriety-girl behavior.
  
  Women have a responsibility too. I have shared with a co-worker that the comments she encouraged and allowed from male collegues in the work place in my direct presence made me very uncomfortable. It turned out well. She appologies and said she had not thought of how if effected others. I never witnessed a crude exchanges again. Whether they did so in more private settings is as the above post argued - none of my business. But by no means should sexual banter have to be part of my work day, whether it is directed to me or not.
  
  Legal protection from harassment is crusial, but so is learning to set the tone for our intractions with other. You start with the least evasive technigue and then build toward reporting.

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  jdohnal06/23/07 Report as spam
  14

  do not freak out

  Well,
  we all do have our own interpretation of various situation. To involve HR can cause inappropriate bearing to the whole issue... Without speaking to the young lady first, I would not do a single step, which can lead to lot of misunderstanding and unpleasent situation for literary all of you...