Communicating with Non-Communicators | Leila's House of Corrections

Why won t you talk to me? Don t you have anything to say? What s going on?  Put your megaphone aside; she doesn t have a hearing problem . . . Come on managers, it s time to learn to communicate with non-communicators.

It s frustrating to get through to someone who is silent during most group and 1:1 meetings. It s so easy to label this person shy or, worse yet, passive-aggressive and simply give up. Instead of those tactics, consider what you are asking and how. Here are some tips.

#1: Ask. Don t tell.

If you want people to share thoughts with you, consider how you solicit them. Think about how you phrase your requests. For example,  I need your ideas to help us make a decision .  This emphasizes the value of an individual s thoughts. Much better than  Any ideas? ,  Anything to say?  These are closed-ended questions, ones that can be answered with  yes  or  no.  Remember to use open-ended ones instead. They often start with  what,   why.   how,   when,  and  who. 

#2: Match body language with your intention.

If you wish to encourage someone to speak openly, adapt your body language to emphasize a collaborative environment. What is your face saying? Pursed lips and a furrowed brow don t exactly promote dialogue. Arms folded in front of you also tend to stop someone from speaking freely. A relaxed face, gentle eye contact, and an open stance are more conducive to discussion.

#3: Be specific about what information you need, why, and when.

This employee may not be volunteering information because she isn t sure how her ideas contribute. So be specific about what you need and why--and take your time doing so. For example,  Marianne, can you let me know what you think about the studio project by this Friday. I ll include your ideas in the marketing proposal. I need to hear from you by Friday because the final report is due Monday afternoon.  Deadlines apply practical pressure.

A final suggestion on what to avoid when working with non communicators. Don t label them shy or uncooperative, or assume that something else, perhaps outside of work, is going on. Those are easy outs. You need and desire participation from this individual and in order to foster this you may need to stop talking and listen more. Could it be that too much talking on your end is part of the challenge?