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Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

When your boss keeps you in the dark or goes around you, you may feel like your competence is being challenged. Tanya Goodwin-Maslach, Executive Coach at Elevati Inc, suggests inviting your boss off-site to talk in an informal place. She explains how to use the G.R.O.W. model to ease your way through this discussion.

Speaker: Tanya Goodwin-Maslach, Executive Coach, Elevati, Inc.

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Tags: Boss, authority, office, politics, manager, clients, Dodging Landmines

 
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    1

    MajKarma

    02/26/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    This was obviously a female's perspective but, as a CEO,COO and CFO for various fortune 500 and 100 companies over the past 30 years and a man, I can tell you this gal hasn't a clue. Competence builds Confidence and Respect. If you want to be respected and your authority not undermined by your boss, earn it by leading in a competent manner worthy of respect. Or go ahead and seeks your little heart to heart talk, it might be a good opportunity for your boss to bridge the subject of firing you or at minimum a chance to put you back in your place...smart girl. Here is another harsh fact; most women in management are more trouble than they are worth, which is why the glass ceiling is there and on the whole, you are paid less. But go ahead, believe what makes you happy.

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    2

    thamins

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Not only women get affected, even all the men. If we work under some inefficient bosses, we are at dead end. He don't know anything and he shifts the blame on you and abuses in front of every body, no professional ethics. We have to look for another job,(getting job is not easy in this global recession) and compromise with him for the time being. Another way ignore all your expertise and listen to him and obey, in order to survive. These are the tactics.

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    3

    elizabeth0

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Is there an assumption here that your boss is willing for this conversation to take place? There is no information about your relationship with him and what sort of person he is. How does he respond to this sort of situation? The GROW model is your agenda, what is his agenda, does he have one? These emotions are about your feelings and are telling you something about yourself. PAUSE & REFLECT first and identify what your goal is. Don't do this to just make yourself feel better. He may not respond how you want.

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    4

    sickandtired

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    I wholeheartedly agree with MajKarma. The "touchy-feely" approach to this type of confrontation is a loser 100% of the time. As the COO of an organization trying to bring order to Louisiana public schools post Katrina, my boss allowed my subordinates to dictate how I should manage my wide range of responsibilities. Ultimately, the subordinates made some bad decisions, especially involving personnel, that led to the offering of my resignation. Not so long after, the boss was asked to resign by the board as a result of the "inmates running the asylum" at that organization. I resisted the tremendous inclination toward "I told you so."

    In almost all cases, if one is faced with the boss listening to subordinates who think they know everything, leading to insubordination and decision overrides, get out and get out quickly. It isn't "fixable", especially never with a "kum-by-ah" approach to a confrontation with one's boss, regardless of how competently one performs in their daily tasks.

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    5

    tgmaslach

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    MajKarma,
    Thank you for your perspective. I enjoyed reading it.
    My guess is your older than 50, been broken down a few times you care not to discuss (or remember), and maybe even had one too many women put you in a place you didn't think you belonged.
    What your post so perfectly demonstrates is one of the very reasons why some women AND men, who are so well-practiced in the skills I discuss in this short video, are leading and building highly successful and competitive organizations, even in today's marketplace. They are doing so absent of the arrogance and lack of relationship-building skill you practice so well in your post, which ultimately destroys employee engagement, productivity and willingness to kick the competition's butt. They'd rather work for the competition and return the favor.

    And for that you don't need to take my unqualified,"smart girl" opinion....there's plenty of research and stories littering the pages of Fortune, FSB, Inc, HBR and WSJ to attest to it.

    Onward and upward...
    Tanya

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    6

    tgmaslach

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Elizabetho,

    Absolutely! Agreed. Pause and reflect first. I must share, there isn't much depth you can dive into in a 3 minute video segment!

    You are correct. There are some assumptions I was making. But I have worked for several supervisors who were on the really bad side of 'difficult' and in each case, I found the GROW model helped to get BOTH of our agendas on the table. The assumption I worked from was that they HAD AN AGENDA....and I knew emotions were firmly attached to that.
    My position was always curiosity, then learning, then alignment.
    In each instance, not only did the conversation move forward to offer more clarity around our roles/responsibilities, but I gained traction to succeed and move up in the organization.
    Thank you for your post.
    Tanya

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    7

    katja_ca

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Wow! I would love to know what Fortune 500/100 companies TajKarma has CEO'd into the ground. It's interesting that many of the men responding to the video immediately turned this into a gender issue...me thinks somebody has problems with women! As a CEO myself, I can tell you that having an open line of communication between boss and employee can lead to the most amazing results! What TajKarma misses is that employees who are treated with respect will jump through rings of fire for you! Employees who are motivated and treated with respect build amazing companies. The "boss" title comes with huge responsibilities, most important of which is knowing how to communicate (that means with BOTH genders), how to resolve conflict, and a confident and competent CEO will welcome feedback from an employee.

    Sounds like after 30 years it's time for that old dog to retire and take his bigoted, sexist, 1950's attitude home to his empty house (or maybe his submissive mail-order wife and children who likely despise him). Leave the CEOing to people who know how to communicate, resolve conflict instead of creating it, and motivate and inspire!

    Thanks to this speaker for encouraging people to take the high road and raise the bar on mature communication in the workplace.

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    8

    sumantranag

    02/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    "Wow! I would love to know what Fortune 500/100 companies TajKarma has CEO'd..."

    "It's interesting that many of the men responding to the video immediately turned this into a gender issue...me thinks somebody has problems with women!"

    "bigoted, sexist, 1950's attitude..."


    katja_ca: I fully appreciate this reaction of yours and I speak as a man. This was also my first reaction to this first post. And you are/have been a CEO! I would also like to know of the "Fortune 500/100 companies" MajKarma has CEO'd.

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    9

    netman96

    02/28/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Any person with management responsibilities, from
    first line supervisor to CEO, should know one thing -
    honest feedback from your employees is the only real
    silver bullet. This is particularly true about feedback
    along the lines of "how does my behavior as your
    leader impact your ability to do you job well." This is
    not really opinion - it is science! In their seminal work
    on leadership, The Leadership Challenge, authors Jim
    Kouzes and Barry Pozner demonstrate this
    phenomenon, based on their scientific research. The
    great leaders not only welcome feedback they find way
    to ensure they are getting it from all levels of the
    organizations. It is hard to believe that some of the
    attitudes exhibited here are still with us.

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    10

    jdhswan

    03/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Does anybody really believe this first post is legitimate ? The scenario states boss is undermining employee. Employee requests a non-confrontational meeting. Boss can decline and engrain low morale and high turnover. Boss can accept and hear the perspective, then clear the air, or perhaps decide employee is out of line.True enough that inmates acn't run the prison. The presenter is not advocating that every employee asks for personal meetings every time. But a senior executive who behaves boorishly, and hides behind executive priviledge better have a highly skilled legal staff or personal attorney 24/7. I have been president/ ceo of two large private companies, male and over 50 and I always tried to foster an open door policy.

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    11

    LifeisBella

    03/05/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    I agree that a conversation with the boss is in order. How that conversation is approached depends upon the individuals involved.

    I also agree that waiting until you've had time to assess the situation unemotionally will lead to better outcomes. Having said that however, it's been my experience that the sooner you have the conversation the better. So if getting the boss away from the day to day isn't possible right away don't wait for that to happen before having the conversation.

    The direct approach is my style and it has worked for me from both sides of the desk. If mutual expectations are established at the beginning of a working relationship you have a platform from which to address any issues that arise without being confrontational about it.

  •  
    12

    catmattice

    03/05/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Unfortunately most people aren't in touch with their feelings enough to know what "identity nerve" was hit when the boss undermined them. They just know they feel hurt.

    Try being assertive - which means you get what you need without stepping on someone elses toes. This means appropriate body language, strong word choice, etc. This doesn't take a special meeting with your boss, but confidence that you are competent and deserve respect.

    Then maybe your boss won't undermine you in front of a client the first place.

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    13

    hhr5@...

    03/11/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Over the past + 40-years I have experienced the type of professionalism discussed in this GROW video. About a quarter of a century ago I worked for an MBO focused manager, we both had occasions to use honest communication patterns very similar to the GROW model demonstrated here -- it worked well.

    I have also worked for and with individuals with lesser skill sets; losers who relied on manipulation or domination.

    Finally, some demographics for all of us. I am a southern white male who turns sixty this summer. The manager whom I mentioned is a southern black female who is now in her mid-60's. I'd work for her again in a heartbeat. Obviously competence knows no stereotypes of age, gender, or ethnicity.

    Keep GROW'ing!

  •  
    14

    hhr5@...

    03/11/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Over the past + 40-years I have experienced the type of professionalism discussed in this video. About a quarter of a century ago I worked for an MBO focused manager. We both had occasions to use honest communication patterns very similar to the GROW model.

    I have also worked for individuals with lesser skill sets. Those losers relied on manipulation or domination.

    Finally, some demographics for all of us. I am a southern white male who turns sixty this summer. The manager whom I mentioned is a southern black female now in her mid-60's. I would work for her again in a heartbeat. Obviously competence knows no stereotypes of age, gender, or ethnicity.

    Keep GROW'ing!

  •  
    15

    curiousalways

    03/16/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Tanya,
    What if the manager didn't change his behavior after the discussion/confrontation? especially his behavior has negative impact to the business. In what situation should the employee escalate the issue to his or her manager or even HR? what if the manager's manager has the reputation of not liking this kind of complain?

  •  
    16

    Betsey Bishop

    03/18/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    This ridiculous roleplay movie was like a tea party. Nothing at all like the real world. The boss underminded this lady (she says with a smile on her face)? Get real. Here's the deal: The boss has the power, holds the cards, has the ability to marginalize, humiliate, lie, embellish, undermine, disrespect, verbally abuse, influence others and mistreat a subordinate (male or female)and the worst part? All of this can be done under the radar without anyone else's knowledge leaving the employee at the bosses ongoing torture. This happened to me. It was horrible, unjustified, unfair and forced me to pretend that everything was normal with my colleagues at work while my career and self-esteem were evaporating before my very eyes. Start to finish, this went on for almost a year.

    This silly movie provided unrealistic solutions and leads bullied employees to believe they have a great chance of working this out.over coffee with their boss Take it from me, if these things are happening to you, you need to form a plan and fast. Don't talk to people in the office about it. Most, even friends, won't stick their necks out. You have to understand very clearly that the most likely scenario is your boss wants you out, gonzo, fired. Research your situation. Talk to a reputable lawyer and be ready to confront the situation out in the light of day, officially, not under the radar. Having a nice little chat with the boss will not work but will give him the ability to suck more information out of you and prepare himself for what only he knows is going to possibly happen. He's on the inside, not you. Document eveything. Know your rights. You will probably end up going to HR but Do NOT trust HR. They are there only to see through the most advantageous situation for the company and there are a lot of variables that go into this. Also, HR people have agendas too. In my case, she was new to the firm and had become buddy buddy with my boss (before my issues arose). He was politically connected and she had lots of inside scoop. Self-serving relationship in Heaven. I was a senior level executive but not as senior as my boss and her bet was with him. I wasn't stupid though. I never showed my hand. Confronting this appropriately and according to your firm's policies is the way to go but it also means a show-down. It means you're willing to take these people on, lose your job and perhaps get into a legal battle with a risky outcome. All of this happened to me and I lost my job but got a very generous settlement/severance because my stupid boss never followed any protocol or procedures in managing his direct reports. Bottom line - the bully boss usually wins the internal political battle against his or her victim. You can't play nice-nice. You will get killed. It is living hell and the hardest, scariest thing i've ever done but I won with my dignity and integrity intact and nothing, absolutely nothing, feels better than that - except for some money in the bank.

    As for this CEO guy who thinks women are more trouble than they're worth, i'm not unused to working with this mentality but rarely have I heard it so bluntly expressed. Thanks. You just confirmed another "boy's club" secret that I always assumed many men felt but never, ever would have been stupid enough to put it out there for us to know about for sure. You have demystified this and given us girls more confidence knowing that this vile mindset is alive and kicking. You need some serious anger management, dude. Do you have a mother? Maybe that's the problem,

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    17

    annagoodwin

    03/21/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    Unfortunately, the Glass Ceiling is still there, however, some amazing women throughout the world have made huge cracks in it. Much like you are doing Tanya.

    Women are G R E A T! Believe, believe, believe.


    Anna

  •  
    18

    annagoodwin

    03/21/09 | Report as spam

    RE: Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

    For the Men and Women in this Audience:

    The female relationships in your lifetime define who you are as a man,as a person, as a manager, as a CEO or COO.

    As a female, the male relationships in your lifetime define who you are as a woman, as a person, as a manager, as a CEO or COO.

    The greatest examples of males in my lifetime were: my father and my three brothers, who had the greatest impact on my growing years as a girl and as a woman. They respected and loved me in equal amounts. It is for this reason that I have for the most part, respected all the men that I have had the pleasure of meeting in the workplace and in my own life.

    The greatest examples of females in my lifetime was my mother and two sisters. Without their example, without their love, without their advise, I would not be the person that I am today.

    This gentleman, obviously, has had very difficult female relationships in his life that have left him unable to function as a person. The only thing I can say to him is "get a grip".

    Tanya, you are and always have been a fantastic person, energetic, beautiful, intelligent woman, continue on this road throughout your lifetime. Do not be swayed by morons, but look up for menhood to the two men you have loved and admired most in your life -- your father and your husband. Those two men in your life have made the most positive impact on your mind and soul. Continue to believe that the male species, although flawed, is great.

    Anna

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Confronting Your Boss |Dodging Landmines

When your boss keeps you in the dark or goes around you, you may feel like your competence is being challenged. Tanya Goodwin-Maslach, Executive Coach at Elevati Inc, suggests inviting your boss off-site to talk in an informal place. She explains how to use the G.R.O.W. model to ease your way through this discussion.

Music Sydnie Kohara: My boss recently undermined me with a customer and basically kept some information from me. I was in the dark. Now, I'm hurt and angry what do I do about it? Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: The first thing you have to do is recognize that we all have these tendencies to get really frustrated and angry and it's because someone has kind of chopped one of our little identity nerves. And what I mean by that is we all think of ourselves doing anything in any situation as I'm really competent or I'm good or I'm ethical. And as soon as someone says or does something to us that attacks that feeling we go on the defensive and everything else -- everything else gets very scattered. So, you have to figure out first which of those identity nerves did your boss bother? Sydnie Kohara: Okay, I think my boss undermined me and my competence was attacked, so now how do I get into a meaningful conversation to make sure this doesn't happen again. Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: Okay, great question. Now, you know what's bothered you, obviously you know what the emotional hot button was because you got really angry. You have to figure out now what's the best way I can talk to my boss about this without being manipulative. Well, the best way you do is it you simply go on your boss' office, request that you guys go for a meeting away from the office, off-site. You want to learn from this person without the constraints of kind of the office setting... Sydnie Kohara: So, like social, like coffee or lunch or something. Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: Absolutely! Because really all you're trying to do is understand that person better so that as they are going through their work days, you don't get frustrated by what they do. You're trying to get more in alignment. Sydnie Kohara: Okay, so are there any particular things I should consider during this conversation? Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: Yes, and this is an easy models for you to remember. It's called the G.R.O.W. model. G, it stands for the goal. You have to have a specific goal only for this meeting, not for your relationship. What do you want out of the meeting. R stands for reality. Together you want to asses and get a clear picture of what is your current reality. O stands for the options. You guys should come up with as many options as you can for getting through to get realizing your goal as possible. Don't judge them or evaluate them. It's like a little brainstorming session. And then W wrap it up with something measureable that you can look at in the future and find out did we do it or did we not do it. The G.R.O.W. model is perfect for keeping things objective and very business focused. Sydnie Kohara: Yeah, and less emotional. Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: And less emotional. Sydnie Kohara: In summary... Tanya Goodwin-Maslach: So, in summary all you're trying to do is not being manipulative. You're just trying to understand where your boss is coming from. You want to understand their prospective, so that as you work together down the line, you're not becoming frustrated and your identity nerves are getting chopped left and right. You move together and you succeed together.

==== Transcribed by Automatic Sync Techologies ====