How to deal with a stubborn coworker |Dodging Landmines

Sydnie Kohara: Let's say I'm having trouble with a co-worker because they are just way too stubborn. How do I change that. What do I do?

Edward Muzio: So Sydnie, I hear, this means they wouldn't do what you want them to do?

Sydnie Kohara: Exactly.

Edward Muzio: Okay, that's a problem. The problem is you can't change someone's mind for them. You have to understand what's diving that decision on their part and go somewhere with that information.

Sydnie Kohara: What is driving the stubbornness?

Edward Muzio: Well, that's the question. And so here, you know, let's say it's because they don't like you, that's one reason. Let's say, it's because they are too busy they have other priorities, that's a different reason. Let's say because they don't know how to do what you want them to do, that's a third reason. Each of those reasons would dictate at very different solutions. So until you really understand what the reason is, you can't take intelligent action because you don't know what the cause is.

Sydnie Kohara: So, it's not you. It's me then. I need...

Edward Muzio: You need to understand. Once you understand you can take action that matches the situation. Until then, you're just guessing or you're trying to force and obviously, if you're telling me they're stubborn, it means it's not working.

Sydnie Kohara: Okay, so give me your best practice. I just need to listen more?

Edward Muzio: Listening is good, asking questions is good. Questions like, if you were to do this, you know, what would help you the most. How can I help you do it. You know are there other things getting in your way? Really exploring with them honestly, what's going on.

Sydnie Kohara: But you know, I'm not a psychologist, do I have to fake this? Because as a manager I just want to get the job done.

Edward Muzio: I don't want to fake it because people know when you're faking it. I'd be sincere and I would say that, as a manager, we need to get this done, we need to understand what's in a way here. Help me understand and be sincere, be open, be avert, and see what you learn and then you can go form there.

Sydnie Kohara: In summary?

Edward Muzio: In summary learn all you can, focus on what you know and then figure out a solution based upon what you learn.