What You Need to Know
I’ve seen a colleague being bullied and no one intervened. How should I have acted?
Technically, the decision to deal with the bullying you witnessed rests with the victim, but leaving it to that person is easier said than done. Abusive behavior often affects the whole team, and you therefore have a valid reason to get involved if you wish. You might start by asking your harassed colleague about the treatment he received. He may indicate that he would rather not make a fuss and will leave it at that. Alternatively, you might speak to the bully, explaining the impact of his or her behavior on the team as a whole. If you take this route, use good feedback techniques. For example, begin all your statements with “I…,” and base them on things that you have personally observed.
How can I know when joking turns to bullying?
If the person to whom a remark is made is demeaned and disempowered in some way, or if the joke becomes personally critical and destructive, then the line has been crossed and the so-called joke has become bullying.
I sense that I’m being bullied, but my boss disguises his actions with humor. What should I do?
Bullies are skilled in undermining confidence, and victims begin to question whether they are doing something wrong, or perhaps imagining things. One way of dealing with this is to keep track of the incidents in a journal, including the context in which they took place. Ask for feedback from observers and include their comments. Over time, you will be able to see if there is a pattern to your boss’s treatment of you. Should you decide to report the behavior, your journal may prove invaluable.
I’ve seen victims “asking” to be bullied. How does this happen?
Once people lose their confidence, they become an easy target and can inadvertently help to encourage bullying behavior. Even if this is the case, you need to approach the victim and express your concern. If the problem persists, you would be wise to bring the situation up in a staff meeting, or report it to the victim’s supervisor or to another manager of equal or greater rank.
What to Do
Understand the Different Forms of Bullying
Victims of bullying are often in a weaker position, physically, emotionally, and/or hierarchically than the bully or bullies. They fear they will suffer unacceptable consequences, such as an escalation of the abusive behavior or the threat of job loss, if they stand up for themselves. This fear is what allows the behavior to continue.
Harassment in any form can affect the morale of staff and the performance and health of individuals. Not only is harassment wrong, but it is unlawful, and must be treated seriously.
Direct harassment can take various forms, including:
- all manner of physical contact from touching, pushing, and shoving, to serious assault;
- intrusive or obsessive behavior, such as constant pestering, baiting, or dogging a person’s movements;
- tricks being played that result in embarrassment, risk, or danger to the individual;
- group bullying, where someone is overpowered by a number of aggressors.
Less direct harassment may include:
- the spreading of rumors or jokes;
- written statements, letters, or graffiti;
- actions that isolate the person and prevent him or her from working effectively;
- non-co-operation, or sabotage of the victim’s professional objectives;
- pressure for sexual favors;
- obscene gestures and comments, or offensive personal remarks;
- manipulative behavior, that may include bribery or blackmail.
Know How to Recognize Harassment
This is about knowing when the line has been crossed. Victims who confront the perpetrators can be accused of “being a poor sports,” or worse. Such accusations are often an attempt to mask the abusive behavior, and can seriously undermine the victim’s confidence.
If you are the one being bullied, ask anyone who may have observed the incidents what they saw or heard. If you are concerned that you may be overreacting, these observers’ will help you put the situation into perspective. It may be that their accounts will give you all the ammunition you need to deal with the problem appropriately. Be sure you select witnesses you can trust to be allies throughout the ordeal—not those who you feel might “flip” on you under pressure.
The harassment may be infrequent and seem relatively harmless at the start but keep in mind that it could get out of hand. If the bullying becomes persistent or escalates, you must confront it and report it. If you prefer not to face the bully head on, there may be other ways of asserting your rights.
Your employees’ handbook may advise you on the procedures to follow in dealing with your situation. You may be advised to report the incident(s) to your manager, but should you feel uncomfortable about this—if your manager is part of the problem, for example—you could speak directly to your human resources department. If you decide to lodge a formal complaint, make sure you have a detailed record of the incidents, including dates and times, and a note of any witnesses.
Work to Maintain a Harassment-Free Atmosphere
Left unchecked, bullying can destroy the morale of valued employees and put everyone who is aware of the situation into a state of fear. If you are a manager, you have a responsibility to report bullying anywhere in the organization, whether or not it affects your staff. However, you do not want to create an atmosphere of persecution, so try to be vigilant but not oppressively so.
Bear in mind your legal obligations to your staff. Turning a blind eye to the problem may make you culpable as well. You need to reassure staff that their complaints will be taken seriously and dealt with fairly. Explain what steps have to be taken, and estimate the length of time involved in the process. Assure your staff that reporting harassment will not jeopardize their jobs or positions. Allow a potential complainant a few days in which to consider whether or not to make a formal complaint. Do not exert pressure on the person—it is his or her choice and it should be respected. But if the person does choose to pursue the charge, be certain that you know how to proceed. The law says that people have a right to work in an environment that is free from harassment, and your organization’s policy manual should spell out the proper procedure for protecting that right. It will probably involve investigating the details to establish what happened, and in what context. This means interviewing the victim, alleged abuser, and witnesses. Notes—based on facts, not hearsay and opinions—should be taken and filed with the human resources department or representative.
Cases of serious assault are rare, but when they occur, it may be necessary to contact a security officer or the police, and you may also need medical intervention and/or counseling for the victim, perhaps the perpetrator, and even some affected colleagues. An incident could involve someone from outside the company, such as a customer. It is important to be prepared for such an eventuality, and then react calmly and professionally. The more serious the problem, the more your employees will depend on you to bring the matter to a close quickly and judiciously. Minimizing “collateral damage” helps to restore equilibrium more quickly.
What to Avoid
You Act Before You Have All the Facts
Wading in with accusations when you think you have witnessed an episode of bullying could make matters worse: you may have misjudged the situation. Unless the incident is serious, it is best to observe and question before intervening. In this way, all parties are given an opportunity to explain their behavior and resolve the situation calmly.
You Confuse a Genuine Extrovert for a Bully
Extroverts frequently speak before thinking—which can sound confrontational and be mistaken for harassment. Extroverts are likely, however, to be receptive to questioning and eager to point out that they were either testing the boundaries, or joking. By sharing your perception and inviting theirs, you may be able to clarify and resolve the situation without further entanglement. It may be a good idea, though, to keep an eye on the situation to be sure a pattern of such incidents is not developing.
You Don’t Bear in Mind That the Bully May Need Help, Too
It is easy to assume that bullies are strong characters. Indeed, it is often to create an impression of strength that they become bullies in the first place. In fact, bullies are often insecure and behave as they do to mask a lack of knowledge or skill. Or perhaps they are mirroring behavior further up in the organization, thinking that this may help them advance. One way of handling such a person is to offer them coaching, so that they can be helped to understand the underlying cause, and succeed in changing their behavior.
Where to Learn More
Book:
Davenport, Noa, et al.
Web Site:
Mobbing USA: http://mobbing-usa.com
